a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
