The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize