I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
do nipples grow back?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
