i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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