Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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