FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
