I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
