I think I am morally bankrupt
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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