She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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