When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
