He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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