the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
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We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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