my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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