The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
