people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
