White coat. Heels.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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