I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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