I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
