Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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