I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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