Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
