I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
