Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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