just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
