the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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