how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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