Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just had sex bonerless
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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