Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
