lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
