I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
