I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
