how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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