I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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