SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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