the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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