Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
