your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize