Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
