Welp...herpes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
