When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
