you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am available for nakedness
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
