But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
