smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She announced her abortion via fbk
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
