There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
