you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
