Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
