im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
