I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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