i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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