If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
