all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
