Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize