I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Boobs are out for the taking
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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