So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
