she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
