You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
