I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
