Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
