when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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