1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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