I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
