Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
