hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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