Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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